Fallen

The wind blows, I shiver,
Hold strong, my dear,
The whispers I hear,
It's too strong I told them,
I'm next, I fear.
.
Suddenly it shakes, I let go and fell,
In red, in tears,
Looking up at my peers,
I knew it's true,
Winter is already here.

Autumn

Green to red, I see everyday,
To and fro, on my way,
The journey I am on today.

A reflection of my thought,
A feeling, a fear I fought,
A question I've got,
Each and everyday I ask,
So quietly at the corner of my heart.

For now I can only pray,
With hope for a better day,
Every morning when I see the rays.

Finally...a place called home...

It's mid September already...within the last three months, I moved country, then stayed in 2 different houses and at last, I found a place where I can finally call "home". I just realised I have been so busy that it has been almost a month since my last entry. Well, I hope to be able to capture the events of one month as short as possible...:)

So, I celebrated my 1st birthday in London..not so much of a celebration actually, went for a simple dinner with Indri, Craig and Chew Ping the night before my birthday at an Indian restaurant. The next day I just slept in and went to Singapore Chilli Crab festival with Chew Ping and friends. Had a very expensive nyonya laksa and a really sweet cup of chendol!! The festival is not that great actually...but anyway, after that we went to have a walk at the markets nearby. One of them is the famous Spitafields market...It's quite interesting..although it's called a market, the prices are not market prices..sigh...but I found a very nice bag there which I bought for GBP17. :) A birthday gift to myself I guess...went to Carnaby St with Chew Ping, wanted to go for dinner at Cha Cha Moon but unfortunately, it wasn't opened. So, I decided to go home and rest. Yups...thats about all that I did for my birthday...

Well...I can't quite recall all the events chronologically...cos am really tired today...like any other day, to be honest. Maybe I shall put them in points form...

I went to the Notting Hill Fest as recommended by Pris even before I came to London. I went on Sunday, the 24th August if I remember correctly. It was quite disappointing as I expected alot more. There were food, loud music, lots of people dancing and some parades. I was so tempted to get the grilled corn but just couldn't bring myself to pay GBP1 for one cob. Imagine RM6.50 for ONE!!!

At work, I get to know more about the other partners at the store. I am happy that all the people I work with gets along well and they are all really friendly. It's a pretty robotic job otherwise...

I guess the highlight of the last 4 weeks is actually finding a house and getting the paperworks done within less than 2 weeks. It was really crazy...to finalise all the deposit and making sure we get to move in by the 8th of Sept, which we did. Never have I thought renting a house can be so difficult. The reference checks that have to be done...an agency has been hired to check all of the tenants background. They actually called my previous landlord in Malaysia to confirm my background!!! Well..all said and done, I have a HOME. :) I am really grateful to have found this place as it is strategically located, near the bus stop and tube with lots of shops nearby.

Anyway, pictures speak louder than words..so here are some pictures..

The markets...

At the Singapore Chilli Crab festival..

New friends...

Baking!

I only bake whenever I am inspired or feeling happy...I don't know why. So, recently, I felt like baking a chocolate cake (that's kinda like the only cake I never fail..hahah)...but I don't have the mixer or anything that is baking related per se. Decided to buy the materials, a whisk and the baking pans. One problem..I have never mix the batter manually before..but there's always the first time and I am going to give it a go!

I enjoyed baking...putting everything together and see the result at the end. Of course, when the result is good, there's a real satisfaction. I don't like cakes, so my ex-housemates were really lucky whenever I bake...:p Anyway, below are the pics of my most recent chocolate cake! I haven't bake for a LONNNGGGG time...more than 2 years or maybe 3...so long ago, I couldn't remember..that says something isn't it..:(

Little details..of everything...

I kinda stop counting..the number of weeks I have been in London. Time flies really fast here! Maybe 200% faster than in Malaysia...SERIOUSLY!

Anyway, I have noticed quite a number of things..little details of London..which I think it's pretty interesting..

1. Most girls wear flats here...probably cos everyone walks..and heels would have killed many!
2. Almost everyone has an earphone to an ipod or equivalent...walking or in the tube. Anywhere!
3. Umbrella is a NECESSITY!
4. Sun is moody...feels like 4 seasons in a day. Supposed to be summer, mind you!
5. London is full of people from everywhere else in the world but London...:p
6. One can go out without a single penny in the pocket but his Oyster card, and still enjoy the day!
7. Many many big and expensive cars..cars I used to only heard/never even heard of!
8. Alchoholic drinks are for ANYTIME of the day!
9. Public transport is PUNCTUAL!
10. There is never enough TIME! (a lot of it lost in transition)

I remember having a longer list whilst I was on the bus home...but just cannot remember now...:( am pretty tired to be honest. I have never felt so tired before, even when I am on a production. And this is just smile and take orders and make coffee....it's a very robotic job..sigh...I guess passion plays a big role!

For the 1st time..

Today, I went to Potters Field park for the last day of Malaysian Week in London. It started on the 30th July.

Anyway, I didn't really expect alot. I went with the hope of getting some malaysian food. There was a stage, with some dance performance and a 'fake' malay wedding. It was drizzling and I must say, I was quite impressed with the crowd that turned up for the event. And for the 1st time, I actually sat down with an umbrella beside a friend to see the performances. I mean, honestly, I have NEVER stopped by to see any of these stage performances in KL, but today, I actually did. I guess it takes you to be out of the country to see what you tend to overlook when you are at home.

After about 15 minutes, we went for the food. I paid 4.50 pound for a plate of chicken rendang and nasi briayani. It was decent, quite nice...in fact. There weren't enough chairs and tables, so we ended sitting on the grass with the bench as our table, holding an umbrella and enjoying our meals. It's the malaysian way....:p

Here are some pics I took. :)

CRUSH

He moves in nearer,
and closer,
his breath brushes through the air,
touches my neck like a feather,
sending my heart a pound and a gush,
standing still I was,
grasping hard for a breath of air.

I felt a rush,
heating up really fast,
from body to my cheek,
stopping it I tried,
like always I failed,
and there I was,
all red and blushed.

:p I don't know what's the sudden inspiration, guess maybe cos I am happy.

A month later...

Today marks exactly one month since I arrived in Heathrow...29th June didn't seem too long ago..as it is often said..time flies...

I felt a bit emotional thinking about it...in a good way...I miss my friends alot..friends whom I know I can always count upon..I am always grateful for having so many of them in my life....I read somewhere once, true friends are hard to come by, and if you could count the numbers with one hand, you are one of the luckiest people in the world...I can honestly say I have more than 5!...:)


So, one month..how did it pass by?...I am really thankful to have met Ed and Rich, I owe it to them for making my 'settling in' so smoothly...I am touched and feel really blessed that I met so many nice people in a city I thought I had no one...I am still job hunting, which is really stressful....but am not ready to give up trying..I told Ed yesterday about the stress, and he told me what a friend of his told him, "Job hunting is a full time job!" so, just stick with it....:)


I am making new friends at work..it's a good start...they are very nice people..friendly n helpful..:) n international too...:) So, yeah..I am HAPPY...today especially..:p


I didn't have time earlier to post some of the pics from a lil farewell party in conjunction with Jon's bday which I had before I left for the UK..and also the pics I took at the airport after one whole night of packing...Jon, Jen, Aaron and Jasmine sent me to the airport. I am really touched cos 3 of them kinda stayed up with me while I did my packing and Jasmine woke up early to join us to the airport..I had to leave for the airport at abt 6am.

2 more days and it's August! New month...looking forward to it...:)

BLUSHED!

So, for those of you who have known me long enough would know what the title means...sighhhhhh....

Well, I haven't blushed for quite some time now, and this is like a nightmare revisited...

On my first day of working with the established "green logo" coffee company, I experienced a very embarassing moment. Basically, it was my first day and I am learning from scratch how to make the different types of coffee. Then, towards the end of the day, the shift supervisor kinda tested me and said, "Please make me a half shot tall latte". Oh...and I was panicked and keep thinking, have I been thought or is my memory that bad? Then, he came closer to me and said, "Don't panic...and don't worry about making mistake..." I told him, "No, I am not..." (at this point, I can feel the 'heat' taking over my face) He said, "Yes, you are...You are RED!" The last line REALLY DOESN'T help at all.....Arghhhhhh!!

After that, for the rest of the shift, I kinda kept avoiding him..When he talked to me, I kept looking down, and as quickly as I can, I said OK ..and walked away....I hope he doesn't think I am rude though...

I WISH THERE'S A PILL OR SOMETHING WHICH CAN STOP BLUSHING!!!!!! oh..and I do think my store manager is cute...but u know, this 5 letter word is soooo going to "kill" me...

First 2 weeks and 2 days in London

Time flies...it has been 2 weeks and 2 days since the day I arrived in Heathrow..Let me try to recollect what I have seen and done in the previous weeks..

Heathrow was not as glamorous as I thought it would be..but BUSY ..YES! I was overwhelmed to a certain extend when I was approaching the immigration queue..wow...what a queue...and it was full of different kind of nationalities....I joined the "vibrant" crowd..hehe...I was greeted warmly by Edmond and Richard at the arrival gate..then Richard drove my luggage home while Edmond took the tube with me..cos it's a 2 seater car...

It was abt 6 pm when we got home. Richard went on preparing a nice dinner for all of us..It was a truly yummy dinner, had a roast chicken, some bacon wrapped asparagus baked in cheese and another bowl of vege. I had a wonderful time catching up with Edmond and getting to know Richard. :) Told Richard that he has to teach me how to cook the asparagus...:p

The next day, I took the tube to Leicester Sq to HSBC  in Chinatown, to set up my bank account. After that, I felt a bit tired, so instead of going around, I headed home and took a nap. I guess the jet lag was kicking in. At least, I had one important task accomplished!

The rest of the 2 weeks I spent the time getting in touch with all the friends I know who are in London and made appointments to meet up with them one-by-one. So, met up with Patrick, Indri, Fiona, Seok Kien, Amy and Chew Ping. It was a joy to see familiar faces..:) The second week was mostly spent on house hunting, making appointments and then look for the location to view the house. So, travelled a lil to different parts of London. I also experienced the "english" rainy n wet summer..the rain here is not like in Malaysia where it pours then it stops..it just drizzles the entire day..I was walking under the rain for like 4 to 5 hours with an umbrella on one of the days...I was wet from head to toe..:(

So, I haven't really done much touristy stuffs, maybe cos I have seen quite a bit during my previous trip to London. To sum it all, I just visited Regent & Oxford St., Hyde Park, V&A Museum, the British Museum, Portobello market, Covent Garden and SOHO. Here and there, not much cos of budget constraint as well. 

Here are some photos which I took when I remember taking out my camera..:p

Fulham Palace Road..the first scenery I saw when I was walking to the tube station on my way to Leicester SQ. It will be a daily scenery for me as I will be staying at Hammersmith.

 Meeting up with Patrick at Leicester Sq.

Look it's Malaysia!!! :) 

Patrick treated me some ice-cream..yummm..:)

At Covent Garden...

My first time at Hyde Park..would you believe this is in the centre of the big city?? 

Me and Fiona at Hyde Park

Ohhh....thats the size of the burger I had at Gourmet Burger Kitchen..I just couldn't finished it..had it at the branch in SOHO with Ed and Rich..

With Amy..Behind me is the Regent St or Oxford St...am not sure, both of them look alike to me...haha

That's all for now....will keep posting when I have extra time..dunno why time seems to fly real fast here...:(

A new journey ahead...

So, I have been extremely busy for the last two months...my month of April was basically spent on an editing job..a very stressful one...and right after that job, I spent my entire May trying to pack up my life into boxes...Yups..it's a HUGE task!! It's really tough when you are someone who buys alot for the future..:p sigh..I had so much trouble figuring out which are those that I need and which that I could live without...:( In a good way, this is a really good opportunity for me to clear up the mess in my life..unsorted photos and hdd..There was only one common comment amongst those who came to my house the last few weeks..."You have a lot of things!!" Yeah...I know...and I call them my important junks..:) hahaha

I will be in the UK end of this month...to start on a new chapter of my life...:) It will be a scary and yet an exciting journey...definitely...well, lets see what LIFE has in store for me!!

What If You Realise You Have A Crush on Someone?

That's a question that has been bothering me...so, really, what do u do when you realise you have a crush on a friend?

I have actually asked a few guy friends their opinion on it...and most of them told me that it's cool to let him know. It depends alot on how you tell him. Hmmm....to start with, I am very worried about losing the friendship. I have this feeling that one would distant himself if he doesn't feel the same way, and that would be really bad....sigh...

Anyway, I have another question which I often wonder...it's often you have silly crushes n then, nothing happens n life goes on...n you guys are still friends...would it be a good idea to let your friend knows that you used to have a crush on him? just wondering...hahah...

Being In Front of Camera..:p

So, I just had my first makeover! hehe..I bought the package cos I thought it was a pretty good deal, only RM150 with RM130 products redeemable...and I think the catch for me was cos it's by a Japanese makeup artist...:)

Anyway, after the makeup n hairdo, I had a photoshoot! THAT for me is the hardest part since I am so used to standing behind the camera...Well, I have worked with models where they just have to pose, tilt their heads n smile....while the camera clicks away...I always thought, "how hard can that be?"..It IS hard..at least for me it is..haha...anyways, here are some of the pics..:)

(I have requested not to be touched up, so these are straight frm camera...)

THE missing rib...

Recently, one of my good friends got married...this friend gave me hope at one point in my life..hope in love..believing in myself when no one else does...I am truly happy for him that he has found the special someone to share his life with... :) The wedding was held in Langkawi, it was a beach wedding...lots of planning n organising...but it was all worth it..cos the wedding went well, despite the rain which started right at the end of the photo session...

I remember vividly when he told me he was getting married...it was over dinner...and he casually said.."I would be leaving the bachelor brigade for good.."..I went "oh...ok..".and so we had our order taken...then I turned to him and asked "so..u asked already??" He laughed and said, "of coslah...u think i go around telling everyone I am getting married before asking?" hahah....yups..I was pretty surprised actually..hahaha...and then I asked him, "so, how do u know when to make such a huge decision?"..he said, "when u already know she's THE one..why wait?" ...

So, how does the feeling of knowing the other person IS the person you are going to share your life with, feels like? .....:(

Yet another decision junction...

About 7 years ago, around the beginning of the year as well, I had to make a BIG decision...I had to decide whether to pursue my studies overseas or to stay in KL and produce an animated feature with 3 friends (yeah..it was a crazy dream!). It was a very tough decision indeed but somehow I went with the latter...Probably because I truly believed in the crazy idea and also I was in love, and love blurs out alot of things for us...sighhh....

Anyway, I am here again at the decision junction...I have to decide if I wanna apply for the visa to go UK for 2 years...I have no regrets with the decision I made 7 years ago, but I do feel that I am missing out on university life in a way...so, this visa would somewhat help me gain the experience of living overseas. BUT I have a career here which I have worked really hard for, the passed few years and by leaving, I may risk losing it all...

It's either now or never...I have decided to leave it to fate after much thought....

Till death do us apart...

Yesterday, when I was in the clinic, I saw an old couple waiting for their medication. It's just so sweet that the husband is accompanying his wife to see the doc...and both of them were on walking sticks already. How did they achieved it and kept the promise they made, "till death do us apart"?

Marriages seems to become something so fragile these days...I have heard of so many divorces, some one year into their marriage, some even shorter..what happened? It is really difficult, but I still wanna believe that true love exists and you can find the someone you can't live without...

I really hope to find the old man whom I love and have shared my life with, who will accompany me to see the doc when I am 60 years old...

2 Injections in 1 Day!!

So today 26th Feb is the day when I am supposed to get my second shot for Hep A + B shot...and I went..Since I was already in a clinic, I asked the doc about the lump on my lips..which has been there for more than a month already. He took a look at it and asked if I happened to accidentally bit it or knocked it..and I said no..Then, he said..oh, it's nothing much, I will give you some cream n you apply and see if it goes away. If it doesn't after two weeks, u come back...well, I was a little relief hearing that.

However, after paying it, my worry came back..cos firstly, the cream is only RM5..hmm...I know it's good that it's cheap..but when I asked the nurse if it's consumable, she said no..and I was wondering...it is going onto my lips and chances are I would likely to eat it somehow...hmmm....

So, as I was driving back, I decided to go to consult a specialist. Skin specialist makes good money!! judging by how many people who were waiting for their turn...I was lucky to get a slot in between the back to back appointments..

The doctor took a look at my lips and asked me a few questions...Then, she said, "It's a cyst!" and she went on explaining a little abt how a cyst could happened..and lastly, she said, "I will give u an injection on your lips and hopefully it goes away and doesn't come back. If it does, then we may have to go for a more complicated way to remove it which could mean surgery.." Arghhh....ok...another jab!! well, the jab was not painful, but it costs me another RM150!

Now I am just hoping the cyst can be healed...:( I have recently become more health conscious, trying to eat more fruits n vege and live healthier...and it is because for the passed half a year, I have heard so many stories of sudden deaths at a young age...:( and it's true, "Life is Short"...

I feel blessed..

Recently I went thru about 200 pics which I sent to print end of last year...I take alot of pictures, so the 200 are kinda like just a fraction of what I have yet to print. I still much prefer to see my pictures in a photo album as compared to clicking the mouse n seeing them on a screen...It's just more romantic that way..:)Anyway, that's not really what I wanna write about.

I feel really blessed looking through the stack of pics. I have met soooo many people last few years, made so many new friends, did so many things that I NEVER thought I would. I finished two feature films and directed my first telemovie, I moved to a new place and started Rooster Rushes. I was working really hard and felt really tired, but I am also really proud of myself for achieving all that. However, the achievements are more inclined towards my career and not my personal life...:( why must it be always either or...Anyhow, I really like my job. It's never the same, every different projects, different challenges and different family at the end of the day....

my dearest friends...I just want all of you to know that YOU are special in a way or another to me. Thank you for making my life so wonderfully filled with memories..painting my every steps with tears and laughter...

A friend forwarded me the writings below some time ago and I felt it's really meaningful..n I would like to share it with u...

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season...

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

A Ray of Sunshine...

I m confused,
but I m smiling silly,
I m scared,
but I am feeling happy,
why do I feel this way, so suddenly?

Maybe I lie, maybe not,
maybe it's the truth I m afraid of,
cos it could hurt alot,
to know that it is not.

could you be a ray of sunshine?
the one that brings the rainbow amidst the cloudy sky...

Jarum Halus premiere night

On the 9th of January, we had Jarum Halus premiere night at GSC Pavillion KL. Mum and sis were in KL for the premiere..:) yeah, am really happy that they came. I was pretty nervous that my mum was going to see my apartment...for those of you who knows my mum, you would know why...haha..:p..but it turned out alright.

So, the premiere screening went pretty well, the visuals n sound were so much better than the media screening we had earlier at Midvalley. We believed it’s cos the projector and speakers at Pavillion are brand new..:) After the screening, the guests congratulated us and gave us their comments on the movie which were generally good reviews...:) And after that, we had our little cast and crew party at D'Haven Bangsar...only reached home abt 4am...

I sincerely hope that the night is just a beginning of a great journey...:)

Goodbye 2007 and Hello 2008!

Well...it's already the 3rd day of 2008...It's amazing how fast time passes...I remember telling a good friend, "I m still not ready for 2008!" and he said to me, "nobody is going to wait for you, whether you are ready or not! " ..:p I guess he is right..

2007 was great! I produced and directed my first telemovie, "Nasi Lemak Dina" for NTV7. Then, produced a digital feature called "Jarum Halus". And another digital feature "A Note Of Love" which I co-produced with Linus was released in September. Well, I am happily tired cos I am very proud of all 3 of them and truly enjoyed the journey!

So, what have I done in 2008 for the last 3 days? Not much, stayed home, did some house cleaning..cos yeah, mummy n sis is coming to visit me! haha..My house is not dirty, just in a mess...does that makes sense? :) That aside, I thought I want a new look for myself this year..NEW YEAR, NEW LOOK lah..so I went to perm my hair today! Not too drastic change actually...but it's one of the most money I have spent on my hair..since I am not the type of girls who visits salons every one or two mths..Walking out of the salon, I kept telling myself, "it's ok, you deserved it.."haha..

Am I looking forward to the year ahead? Yes..I DO..tho I dunno what's going to be in store for me, I do have a few things which I wanna do this year...fingers crossed..hopefully, I will get them accomplished by end of 2008.

And yes, this year will start with "Jarum Halus",a movie which I have worked on almost my entire 2007. It will open on the 10th of January in GSC cinemas. Please check out the website, jarumhalus.com

So, I have a lot of things I wanna do in 2008, but I think I should keep my resolutions achievable and not too far fetched...hehe...Anyways, to all my friends, A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR AND ALL THE BEST IN 2008! MORE MOVIES!! :)