'I LOVE YOU'

I went back to Penang last Thursday. Bought a bus ticket from Pudu and made my way home. I made the trip home because of my 3rd aunty.

On Friday, during mum's lunch break, mum droved me to the hospital. I was scared and nervous as I was walking into the ward. Then, I saw my ku-ku, cousins and my 3-chim po standing around the bed. I moved closer and I saw my 3-ee..lying there on the bed. Tears were forming and I was trying really hard to appear normal.

She looked at me..like always but this time, she couldn't even smile. I smiled at her..There I stood right beside her...not knowing how to react. I don't know what to say to her. She is lying there in pink, with tubes coming out of her, looking so tired. With the little energy that she has, she asked me, "mummy ka loo kong ar?" or in English, "Mummy told you?" Then, I said, "yea..but no, my sister ka wa kong eh..."

I felt really helpless..I couldn't say anything to her because I was very worried that I would start crying non stop...For the first time, she is not joking or teasing me, instead she looks so drained out and old...

I was fighting myself not to tear by talking about other stuffs..normal stuffs..but it didn't really help. Suddenly, my vision went really blur and I was feeling weak and unbalanced...I turned to my cousin and hug her and told her that I was fainting..
They sat me down at a chair right away. I didn't know why it happened..mayb it's cos of too many emotions at one time...

Visitors were only allowed till 2pm..Doctors said she can drink coconut juice...so, I went to my 3-ee and told her that I will buy her a coconut when I visit her in the evening. On my evening visit, I brought her some fresh coconut juice..she couldn't drink much..just very little..and before I left, I held her hand and I told her, "take care and be strong"..but what I truly wanted to say was "I love you..and you have to be strong...you will be able to fight this". I didn't do it because I didn't want her to feel sad to see me in tears...

The news of my 3-ee diagnosed with a tumor came so sudden..and then, everything else that follows happened so quickly one after another. So, she went for operation and right after that, I was told that her condition is already at a critical stage. All these news came within a week!!

This unfortunate event made me realised something...a saying that is often circulated in emails, "to let the people you love know that you love them before it's too late"...I now know how important it is..

My 3-ee has just been discharged from the hospital. She could eat and walk now...but we are still waiting for the doctor's report...I can't do much but only hope and pray that her condition is sustainable...

New memories and New family...

Jarum Halus production, cast and crew...more posts after this...:)

A 'sudden' funny feeling...

Yesterday,
I woke up with a smile on my face,
Why? I wonder...
It's funny but gentle & nice,
the feeling I felt as I opened my eyes.

How is this possible? I ask.
This funny feeling inside me,
A crush? An infatuation? What is it?
I am not sure, but I'm loving it.

I haven't felt this way for the longest time,
It brings me smiles when I go to bed,
And smiles when I wake,
In denial I am,
cause' I know it's a dream,
A dream I can never get.

To the person I can only dream.

Here comes the Piggy Year..

Chinese New Year is over…so quickly…This year I nearly couldn’t make it back to Penang for the celebration because I was really busy preparing for my first telemovie. Just when I decided not to make the trip home, dad called. I ‘conveniently’ informed him about my decision. Well, the reply I got was, “Look, you HAVE to go home, even if it’s just for the first 3 days!”. And the next thing I know, I was in my dad’s car on the North South highway heading north.

This year was a little special, we had steamboat for reunion dinner. Well, usually, we kinda have leftover food from lunch time for dinner. Leftover food? Yeah…the schedule for the day before 1st day of CNY is more or less the same every year. Wake up early, like about 7am, mum would drive us (sis & I) to grandma’s house. Once reached, we would usually continue our sleep while mum helps out in the kitchen. By about 11am, there’ll be food laid out on the table. This is for Grandpa. It’s a Chinese culture, I think, to pray to the beloved family members. So, that’s lunch…and the extras are for dinner.

It has been a working new year for me. I was making phone calls, calling up actors and actresses on the 1st day of CNY. Indeed, I was busy..but I managed to meet up with some of my close friends and took some nice family pics. It’s a promise to myself, I made a few years ago that I would take more pics with my family, especially during Chinese New Year.

Although it was the shortest Chinese New Year holiday, I am glad I made the trip home. :)

The last family pic we took together was more than 10 years ago.

To get my ku-ku to pose for a picture is a miracle!!

Simply me...growing up

I was thinking hard...what should my first entry be...then, it hit me when I was flipping through my photo albums, looking back at my life in pictures...I guess my first entry should be simply me in pictures...

My parents named me Eleanor, without knowing how to pronounce it..:)

My mum says I was a slow learner...but I tried.

When I found out that powder can cover your flaws...:p

When I was into kung fu..

I used to have beautiful birthday cakes...not anymore though..:(

Learning to be a lady. Mum thought I was going to be a tomboy, so she bought me more dresses.

1998, last year in high school.

2006, first self-financed trip. :)...more to come hopefully.

Looking back, I had wonderful years growing up...A big thank you to everyone I've met along the way. In one way or another, you have left a mark in my life...and mould me to who I am today.